Life is too short to waste

2011-10-23T12:42:00.002+08:00

sometimes things are pretty confusing.
too many points of view that leads to different conclusions.
too tired for all.

just feels that right now, i'm just having a cushion that doesn't belong to me.
at times, i will be able to hug that cushion but most of it, it just doesnt belong here.
is things turning dull? boring? no excitement?

i bet it does. i guess afterall i just doesnt belong here.

2011-10-18T14:00:00.002+08:00

over the limit - struggling
trying to stay ahead but always got pull down
mentally and physically dried
already over the limit.
conclusion - cranky and impatient
mind runs wild.

nothing is being mentioned
keep quiet and smile doesnt mean everything is fine.
not asking or even just plain talking with no action is just useless.

i'm just way too tired.

2011-10-10T00:18:00.001+08:00

seriously i don't what am i doing.
it's really mixed feelings.
indeed i do feel that...
but all i can say is,
i'm always looking forward for your arrival.

*smile*

2011-09-21T01:06:00.003+08:00

Awesome dinner with 雞蛋三人組
Just cant wait till next year Feb to arrive
cos' i'm going Phuket!!
Just pray that BB is off during that period, thus so he can join us.

today i also went to find Srico, my awesome hairstylist.
whenever i go for little haircut when i'm feeling down,
it will always bring a smile on my face after.

be it i'm tired or upset or whatsoever,
going salon is always one of my best happy place.
other than that, we went to eat my favorite RAMEN.
*drool*
just cant wait to go back again.

also after that we went to eat ice-cream, another favorite!
had a tiring day but awesome night!
Love you girls!! *Hugs*

shall end off with a big smile on my face~
goodnight! :)

2011-09-14T02:49:00.002+08:00

Happy 26th Birthday ♥

2011-09-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

is not that easy after all with so many temptations around.
knowing whats right and whats wrong doesnt make any differences.
tired is all can be said and stated.

when the time is up, no matter how hard you had tried,
the target still seems to be too far away.
with that little hope, we just cant be selfish.

as much as i want to, i know i cant..

2011-08-29T01:33:00.002+08:00

work has being pretty tough lately.
but never forget where fun will be..
i'm always happy that i have friends that will keep me accompanied
and always there for me.

as for love, i'm always praying and hoping..
just cant wait for our trip together which is in 2wks time.
definitely i'll try to spend a quality time together with him
and also to celebrate his birthday~ :)

just wondering what should i do for his birthday this year..
hmmm.. maybe this year shall be the first year that i'm not going to prepare or do anything.
we shall see then..

as for my birthday next year,
i'm already starting to think and try to make plans..
if hubby not in SG, i shall go for a short getaway trip during the weekends.
maybe batam or bintan or whatsoever relax place.

as promised to myself,
i shall really start saving and not only for holiday
but also for my studies..

i want to go overseas for study and really learn to be independent.
go to a stranger country and understand their culture and festivals.
i guess it will be fun. :)

*be strong and motivated

2011-08-20T06:31:00.000+08:00

For once, for the first time...
worried and angry at the same time is not fun at all.
Looking at him, hoping tomorrow he will be fine.

2011-08-18T15:27:00.001+08:00

Just keep trying.
Look at the bright side and everything will be fine.
Love will be there and will hang in there.

Communication is always important in everything we do.
i'll just hope it really can work it out for us. :)

2011-08-16T00:04:00.002+08:00

disappointment* yet again...
nothing could describe how hard the fall can be.
for the sake of thinking for others and neglecting self decision.

why is it always the process of letting others to pull you along than you doing the right things that you supposed to do?! WHY?!
yes, you may think in your view and everyone do have their own view.
have you ever, ever think in the other point of view?

instead of thinking so practical and straight, why cant you give it a try in thinking in another view?
thinking of yourself and making the decision for others, do you think that person will be happy?
come on, let's not be so selfish.

life can be unfair if you don't fight for your rights.
make the right decision and move on..
fight towards it and achieve what you planned in your life.

decision decision and decision.
set one and go for it.
just smile and tell yourself, you can nothing how tough it can be,
you can make it through.

2011-08-07T17:12:00.002+08:00

sometimes, i really do feel the tiredness in me.
as much as i feel like giving up everything and leave but i know i cant.
i cant be that irresponsible. i don't want to be that useless.

another thing is, why am i always knowing the end result yet i still pray for that little hope of mine?!
ended up when the answer is out, i'm again, disappointed.
yes, even though is not as painful but still.. disappointment.

is always that talking and talking.. but no actions.
seriously, i'm real tired.
just give me a break~
*looking forward for 9th Sep onwards - Company Outing & flying with Hubby
awesomeness, please don't just stop there~

2011-08-03T00:21:00.002+08:00

what's more to describe my work? -- mountains high
what about myself? -- crazily busy
love life?? -- happily sweet

looking towards the bright side, everything seems moving well
being that loving loving man, is always the thing i'm looking forward to.

anyway, i'm so looking forward to sept for our little trip out of sg.
*WAKE ME UP WHEN SEPTEMBER COMES

2011-07-25T00:40:00.001+08:00

I Love You! :)

2011-07-24T23:00:00.001+08:00

Our First Wedding dinner attended together as Mr & Mrs Lim.
I'm simply overjoyed and excited till now, though it had been over.

I would like to special Thanks to Glenn & Jasmine.
Thanks for your invites and we really enjoyed ourselves a lot.
I love you guys, the unique way of celebrating.
It's all singing and singing.

I'm really touched when Glenn sung the song during the "opening"
and followed by the live band. It's simply so cool especially they are formed by your relatives.
They're simply so happening and anticipated. They joined in the singing, dancing and all the fun.

It's simply amazing. From far, I could really feel the love in the air and definitely not forgetting the love they had build up. It's so sweet and nice. Oh ya, their wedding album is so nice too. Both of them are so photogenic and from the photos, you can really feel their love together. :)

To end the post, I really really love my boy. Despite the time spent together are one of the issues, but I know he always will try his best to put me as his priority and give me the best.

in another 1 more hour, will be our 29th Monthsary and I'm simply cant wait for you to come back home and give you a big tight hug. I know you're tired and definitely I heart pain for you because the past 2 days, he had only few hours of rest. Promised when you're home, I will give you a good massage. :) *hee~ if possible I also want*

I Love You Benjamin Lim Jian Qiang! *mauckz*

2011-07-20T23:25:00.002+08:00

nowadays my daily routine is work late and then go home.
after that watch HK drama and off to bed.
it may sound a bit no life but seriously i'm really tired.
how i wish my life will have little more colors and sparks.
it's as though i'm traveling in monotone.

also, despite me being so tired lately, but i just cant sleep too.
hard time getting myself to sleep and neither did i sleep well.

as for today~ things are going well at first.
it was so sweet and happy..
but due to small issue, ended up it changed..
haiz.

night time, B asked me out for a drink but ended up i still decided not to go.
i'm seriously just no mood. what's the matter with me?!
too many negative thoughts. it's way too much. i don't like..

if you dont really care, just let it go.
dont hold on and make things worse.

2011-07-19T23:30:00.002+08:00

mentally drained. motivations dying off.
how i wish i can put it to a stop and pull myself out. but right now, i cant, even when i tell myself i can, i really can..

my daily doze no longer be daily anymore since last year end. i always tell myself i can i really can but at certain point of time, i will become fragile. sometimes i really want to be that fragile thus so you can be there for me shower me with all the attentions. but, again, i know i cant..

everything seems to be crashing down day by day and i just wants to get away. i really missed the time when im high up in the sky, looking at the nature. it's so beautiful and stress-free. how i wish right now i can pack my bag and leave for a road trip or best, HOLIDAY~

*slap slap* stop dreaming stop dreaming
today did my research again for school and i had decided on the course that i want to study. now just need to check when will be the next intake and try to do some necessary arrangements. but whenever im doing the research, somehow i will feel pretty stress up. study is not cheap and at the current state im moving, it will be pretty tough for me but i guess i have to make it through like how i did during my poly days. i will and i will.

just wait for the email then...

2011-07-19T22:51:00.001+08:00

So here we are
We are alone
There’s weight on your mind
I wanna know
The truth, if this is how you feel
Say it to me
If this was ever real

I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth

So this is you
You're talking to me
You found a million ways to let me down
So I'm not hurt when you're not around
I was blind
But now I see
This is how you feel
Just say it to me
If this was ever real

I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me

I know that this will break me
I know that this might make me cry
You gotta say what’s on your mind, on your mind
I know that this will hurt me
and break my heart and soul inside
I don’t wanna live this lie

I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts me
I want the truth from you
Give me the truth, even if it hurts
I don’t care no more, no
Just give me the truth, gimme' the truth
Cause I don’t care no more
Give me the truth
Cause I don’t care no more, no
Just give me the truth
Give me the truth[4x]
Cause I don’t care no more, no

2011-07-18T00:04:00.000+08:00

sometimes out of randomness, i thought of giving another try but at the same time, it is hard.
an urge to travel and fly around but i know i cant.
sometimes just want to explore another place and get more exposure, but...

in life indeed there isn't prefect in everything. somehow or another, you will tend to sacrifice certain things when you're doing some things and i do understand that. however, sometimes, people tend to become greedy, that's human nature, never feels enough.

to me i feel that human behavior is a form of art.. different characters, different behavior, different personalities.. we as a human will never feel contented even when we're living in luxury life or even comfortable acceptable lifestyle.

as for now, everyone likes to ask a question, "why are you married so young?" "till now i still cant believe you're married" and etc..
is there an age limit that you need to be above 25 or 30 then you can? the answer is "NO". Marriage is two people decisions who wants to be settle down with his/her partner till old. Yes, it may sound old and traditional thinking but it is true. in whose mind will think of marriage and divorce at the same time? marriage is not a game, at least not to me.

thinking of it, everyday just looking forward to have our own house and our little kitchen for me to cook for my hub. even though i'm not a good cook but still i will want to be a wife who can cook and cook for my loved ones. everyday wakes up having him beside, eat breakfast together.. kiss and hug goodbye and head off to work.. i may be still naive but that's my thought of my little happy family. :D

there's something which i've being hiding in my heart for quite some time and i guess i shall write here then, since i'm starting to blog again. ever since, my nephew was born, i'm being looking forward to have my own baby but at the current state, it is really hard. looking after a kid is not an easy job and is also expensive.

but everyday see him being mischievous, really make my day. :p sometimes, the kid can just surprise you without you knowing he can learn so fast or even so much. i've being thinking when our kid is born, better dont be like his father so mischievous. hee. *dreaming dreaming*

alright, i guess i had enough of saying. tomorrow is monday, a day to start my battle and work hard. :) miss my BB already~ Love him lots!

2011-07-17T01:01:00.003+08:00

it had been 2 month plus since i last updated my blog.
it had been crazy days since i started to fully taking over my job scope.
it had been tough and challenging, however, i really got the chance to learn a lot.
be it people or my work, i had "level up".

even though till now we're all still struggling to cope well but seriously i feels that, definitely we can make it through.
everyone has his/her own problems but i do know that everyone is working hard and putting a lot of efforts together as a team to sail it through.

besides work, my personal life still not bad.
our marriage is working well and moving smoothly. i'm glad, happy and touched.
yar, it may sound crazy and weird but yarrr...

as for now and i meant now, current timing...
fear is what im feeling... not going to explain any further but don't worry is not any big issues.
but i really hope promises made will not be broken..

*the love for him had never faded off & it will still continue to go strong
be it whether he's around or not, but i'm proud to announce i'm BENJAMIN LIM JIAN QIANG's WIFE
:p just another silly girl

2011-05-01T17:04:00.001+08:00

is really very fuck up now!
just want to leave the hell out of here!!!
WTF!

2011-04-10T01:25:00.002+08:00

Is only this much you can do.
the scar still remains there.
it's that deep that will never heal.

Fear is the matter
and it really holds major portion.
shadows are everywhere,
memories are scattered all over.

every steps you take,
is like thousands and millions of needles piercing through.
what is your limit?
when will you finally stop?

questioning and questioning.
think and thought.
what will be, when will be,
the final decision..

2011-04-03T21:15:00.002+08:00

Lies.

Just a simple thing,
you can even lie.
what else to expect?!

never mention anything doesn't mean don't know.
it just the matter of wanting to voice it out or not.
believed so much in karma.

one day you will get in return
and when it happens,
don't ask why.

***

sidetrack.
like i said before,
I'm really very happy with those strangers i met
and became friends.
even though there's hi-bye friends
but those who stayed,
i'm thankful, i had know you guys.
<3 all.

2011-03-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

it was a nice full day spent together with BB and mami.
we woke up quite early for Sunday
and we went out for mac breakfast.

After that we went for a "tour"
and lastly,
the last destination is my place.

we spent the time playing mahjong together
for the very first time with our mothers.
it was fun day
and i guess there will be more to come.

:)

2011-03-20T23:58:00.002+08:00

I changed my mobile to iphone4.
initially, i intended to support Blackberry
however, due to the horrible trade in value i got,
i decided not to continue.

to my understanding,
once there's new model out,
the old model's price will drop
and become non-value.

***

Past few days,
i have thought a lot on regards to current.
True enough without any hiding,
i've regretted.

i seriously hope that,
it is not the fact
and will not remain as facts.

every time when i saw something that i may not like,
i will definitely tell myself this:
"dont let it affect my mood!"
kept saying and implant to my brain.

sometimes,
i do feel that i'm like a fool.
despite the tired body i had,
i made an effort to go down
as most of the time,
i do not have the chance.

but somehow,
it's really sucks
when things do not happened to that way you thought.
it really make you like a fool.

it has being a while since i last felt that pain,
and that day,
i really felt that sharp pain all over again
and is even stronger,
in which i will not forget.

sometimes, it just stupid to say,
i shall hack care
when i don't think i will not able to do so.

i just want to be happy.
is it too hard to ask for?

2011-03-13T20:36:00.002+08:00

i'm thinking to transfer my current mobile line to another teleco.
After the conversation with SH customers' care,
i feel so disappointed and angry.

they're not being considerate nor thoughtful for us as a user.
what they think of is bringing revenue to the company.
Yes, it is not fully their wrong
but it depends on case-to-case basis.

the issues that i'm having right now,
she's unable to solve it
but to give me more issues!!

seriously,
they need to do something to their flexibility in terms of customer service.
currently, all i can say is,
they're SUCKS!

2011-03-12T23:32:00.000+08:00

There are too many thoughts in my mind.
yesterday, my hp just died on me,
without any warning.
i was left uncontactable in the afternoon.

BB and Dan picked me up from work
and we went to town for dinner.
the food there was nice.
after that, went to play pool and L4D2.

it was my first time playing L4D2
and i can say,
it was fun
but it brings headache to me.

Some updates from my current job.
I had met my manager and other colleagues.
it was really nice meeting them.

When i am in the office,
they are the ones that bring smiles to my face.
Their motivation and spirit at work,
nothing can describe.

Everyone plays his or her part
and everyone is linked to one another regarding on work.
our CEO is a young man
who i gave respect to.

Another update is about my personal life.
after ROM,
it seems usual and as though nothing had changed.
the fact is,
there was a changed - the change of status.

it brings a lot of courage for someone to say yes
and move on with another to the next stage
but sometimes,
people tended to forget the meaning.

somehow through the days when i'm alone,
i thought a lot and came down a conclusion.
To protect self and work towards my goal.
:)
BE POSITIVE!

2011-03-02T21:41:00.002+08:00

First day in new working environment.
There's a lot of new things to learn
and so far still good.

imagine a company who "forced" you to play Foosball
and have Foosball league,
also told you to sign up new twitter account for company gossips.

Today is more on training and training
and the people there are pretty nice in some ways.
how can i describe it?
i guess i will use "family" to describe.

i have yet to meet my manager
and still not very sure what's my workload will be like.
Just hope i'm able to cope well.

had a sudden thought for today.
i really hope we don't drift apart
and absent will make us stronger.

2011-02-21T12:54:00.003+08:00

21st Feb 2011 - My birthday

- credit to http://www.flickr.com/photos/mmymoon/2833722387/

Happy Birthday to me!
Hoping this year will be a smooth sailing year for me
and hope things will get better and better.

how am i celebrating my birthday?
actually nothing have being planned
other than there's a dinner treated by B's mom.
:)

sometimes,
just hoping there's surprises out of the blue blue moon,
but knowing that it hardly will happened or is impossible.
everyday is like a praying and wishing sessions.

2011-02-15T02:08:00.003+08:00

past few days have been keeping myself busy.
met up with B and R.
had chats and as usual gossips.
love those girls and also the time spent together.

sunday was J's farewell
and went to acid bar.
when the clock even hit 12am,
BB text me
and wish me Happy Valentines.

i was surprised and touched.
of course, i'm very happy also
and i teared.
cos' i missed him a lot.

it was like,
just before i sent out my text to wish him,
he text me.
how i wish,
he's here celebrating with me.

after that went over J's place to chill
and initially they thought of playing cards
but ended up didn't.

there he goes,
monday, we sent him to airport
and off he flew back to Sydney.
thanks E for the supper treat
and sending me back home.

this is how i spent my Vday..
with friends.
:))
Thank you!

sometimes,
really hope that he will initiate
and text me more often
but it's hard.
money come into concern.
just cant wait for his arrival back.

as for my plan for tomorrow,
will be visiting his parents
as i feels that,
when both BB and B are not around,
i should drop by.

...praying that one day he will realized...

2011-02-12T13:11:00.002+08:00

Day 3 - San Francisco

he took a day rest in Seoul
and flew to San Fran.
he will be there for a day to two
and is going to fly back Seoul.
Just cant wait for his arrival back in SG.

as for me,
trying to keep myself occupied with friends.
trying not to think so much
and enjoy myself.

but i bet the tank is really full
and is going to overflow.
an urge to let it erupt
and then after it will be fine.

anyway,
i'm really happy the people i met
and came across.
sometimes it made me think that
despite some unhappy or tough things we might go through,
there will always be some sweet and nice things in return.

:))

2011-02-06T21:06:00.002+08:00

a day without any news.
seems like as though i'm all alone again.

anyway,
today helped C to do his stuffs for gf.
accompanied him to choose present
and helped him in making birthday card.

had some chats with him
and realized almost all guys are the same.
but at least he knew he's in the wrong
and tried to make amendments.

i could really see how guilty he felt
and how much his gf meant to him.
this is really my first time seeing a guy like this
and from his eyes,
will know that he will not do the same mistake to his gf again.

but thanks to him,
i got all my attentions on making card
instead of mind running wild.

enjoyed and loved making cards.
at least from that,
i got myself free meal.

now just hope that his gf will like it
as most of it, he done it himself,
just that ideas are from me.
Also hope that both of them can work things out well.

2011-02-05T20:43:00.002+08:00

am i really not listening or
you dont understand what i meant..

why am i always suffering in silence
without you even bother?

the tiny little wish to me
is such a tough challenge to everyone.

i seriously dont feel the joy of this occasion.
it seems like just another normal day.

and i know i'm not the priority.
i will find a place for myself.

2011-01-27T16:31:00.002+08:00

a view of sunrise
and now waiting for sunset.

all, sitting at the same old spot
- my bed.

looking at the clock,
clicking all the way.
just hoping a guardian angel will lead the way.

2011-01-27T05:40:00.000+08:00

mentally drained.
billions and thousands of needles piercing through.
walking blindly,
found nowhere to free the emotions.

back to old little place
where temporary area to do so.
never-ending fear of being spotted.
if only there's a comfort zone.

hiding again.
in a temporary spot
where temporary comfort found.

blocking all transactions,
avoiding all noises.
just waiting for the right time,
to leave and say goodbye.

2011-01-24T19:48:00.003+08:00

22.01.2011 Saturday
alarm rang at 5am
but almost 6am then we woke up and prepared.
we traveled from places to places.

it was fun, seriously
and i felt so thankful and glad that
BB knew this group of awesome friends.
you guys really made me touched.

they volunteered to help
and went all out to achieve that prefect shot.
be it climbing up, bending in 90 degrees or moving here and there,
they really put in a lot of their effort in our pre-ROM shoot.

Thanks Johns, Nigel, Jo, Jayne for the effort made.
also not forgetting Cody and Fred for being our drivers,
who woke up as early as us.
last but not least,
dan the driver too.

initially,
i thought they were just saying only
as Johns mentioned it maybe 1 to 2 months back.
but when it was nearer to date,
things started to surface out.
what to prepare, who to do,
where to meet and stuffs.

we're really happy
despite we ended the shoots almost 12am that day.
we're all really tired.

Thanks for the awesome gift you guys prepared for us.
now, we're looking forward for the photos to be done and upload.
*definitely, we will not forget this*

Last shoot before the wrap up.

23.01.2011 Sunday
by the time we're home and asleep
was already 2+am.
we woke up around 3pm
and rushed to salon
as we had appointment at 3.30pm.

yarrr...
we're late.
we reached there around 4.45pm
and we felt guilty and bad at the same time.
Lols!

after BB's haircut,
it was already 6+pm.
hence we went back his place
without my ramen.
*sad-ed*

waited for B to get ready
and off we sent her to airport for her first SNY.
again,
by the time we're home,
is already 12+am.

BB surfed net awhile
and off to bed.

---------------------------------------------------------------

i'm just looking forward to this thursday
which i'll have a whole day date with BB.
hoping to be true.
:p

2011-01-24T19:37:00.002+08:00

Came across this article which i want to share to my readers (if there's any)
credit to http://www.divaasia.com/article/11327

Six tips on maintaining a healthy marriage

By reader Nelson Quah

I REFER to the report, "Younger couples working harder at marriages" (my paper, Oct 27).

It is heartening to note that these couples are taking their marriages seriously, and do not just throw in the towel when they encounter problems.

One thing for sure is that the saying, "Getting married is easy but staying married is a challenge", has never been truer.

Building a happy and healthy marriage is not impossible. Here are some things married people should consider to help achieve that goal.

Motive: What is their real motive for marrying their spouse?

Were they genuine when they made their promises to each other on their wedding day, which is "to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, till death do we part. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life"?

Communication: They should acknowledge their differences and learn to communicate with each other respectfully.

Love: In his letter to the Corinthians, St Paul defined true love as always patient and kind; it is never jealous, boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish and does not take offence, and it is not resentful. Love is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.

Forgiveness: Couples should genuinely forgive each other for their shortcomings, and not rake up or harp on past misunderstandings.

Enrichment: They should not take their marriage for granted, but strive to enrich each other continually through romance, and by attending marriage-enrichment courses to make their marriage even better.

Sacrifices: There can be no true love without sacrifices on the part of both husband and wife.

Marriage is not all about romance and sex. It comes with its challenges as well.

Moreover, it is certainly not meant for immature and irresponsible people.

2011-01-18T18:08:00.004+08:00

this will be the last time,
last try.
will it be possible to get through?

seriously,
"no idea" is the phrase to describe.
quite worry,
but there's nothing much i can do.

i hope and pray that
it will be a Fabulous February.

for almost 2 years,
i had done more than i deserved to.
yar, never ask for in returns
when you're doing something.

do it from your own will
and never request anything back.
but life,
seriously,
shouldn't be in this way.

we treat somebody the same as what we want them to treat us in return.
but somehow,
always Mr TIFG will appear.
an urge to scream out my lungs to wake everyone up.

if only it works...

2011-01-17T00:16:00.005+08:00

don't have the guts to..

will you listen patiently
if ever i say out?

connections are fading
and crack lines are surfacing.

communication is important.
need more need more.

bottom line.
i ♥ u much.

who can i turn to?

2011-01-16T04:14:00.006+08:00

Discussion. Decision.
it meant well but it doesn't end well.

still struggling.
trying to stay afloat.
not good after all.

seriously,
now standing in split path.
Stoning.
Lost.

no sense of directions.
regretted.
putting all sorts of blame on others.
shamed.

besides that,
sometimes just wondering..
bored and tired already??
signs and symptoms appearing.
thinking too much?
doubt so.

waited patiently for the day,
but it didn't happened.
another day passed,
also the same.

it's turning dull.
stressful?
guess much.

maybe...
if does not exist
will be better and happier?!

just don't understand why does it meant so much.
but hope is not a bad thing.

afterall,
seems like 2011 it's not the year.
doubt it will turn from black to colourful.

*looking forward to that day*

2011-01-14T08:33:00.002+08:00

that's the reasons why guys don't understand girls
and actually it same goes apply to girls don't understand guys.
what's happening to this world?!

it will never be that innocent like young days.
getting older, getting more complicated.
everyone is changing..
from good to bad, bad to worse.

a feeling of leaving everything here
and move to a quieter place for a period of time.

another thought~
i guess i'm just too free to think of all this.
LOLz.

seriously,
LIFE SUCKS!

2011-01-12T23:09:00.002+08:00

"don't expect too much
and you will not get much disappointment."

Just pray and hope for the best.

2011-01-10T16:57:00.003+08:00

Off he left again - 2nd SNY (Beijing)
this time round,
i didnt wait till he enter the gate.
so afraid that my tears will roll down
and furthermore,
others will think i'm pretty retard
cos' he will be back in another 2 days time.
is not as if he will only be back in months or years time.
but i really miss him...

currently now,
Beijing is 0 degree and even -10 degree Celsius.
cant imagine how cold that will be.
Hope BB wouldn't fall sick.

anyway,
since now i'm pretty free.
i decided to give BB a surprise
when he arrive back in SG.
still thinking of what to do
but i guess most likely is i'll be cooking him breakfast ba.

also,
today i bought a top for B.
hope she'll like it.

awhile more later,
will be heading down to Tamp to meet mich.
going to pass her her christmas present.
Lols!
even though is late alittle
but thought that counts.
:p

2011-01-09T13:28:00.003+08:00

am i thinking too much again?
just don't feel the same.
no doubt of me thinking too much
as facts are just right in front.

am i going to the wrong path again?
made the wrong decision again?

sometimes i just wish i will fall into coma
and when i wakes up,
only good memories stays.

"...are you coping well?"
ever this question crossed your mind before?

2011-01-07T01:02:00.003+08:00

His first trip - Bombay
tears nearly flow out of my eyes.
my feelings/emotions really hit me once he changed his uniform.

bbm J and asked to meet her up
since quite some time we didn't able to meet up
due to work commitments.

after chilling and chatting,
we decided to sing K.
it's really an awesome idea
as whenever i feel down,
this is what i wanted to do.

as usual,
didn't sing much.
it's more of listening to her singing
which eased my feelings much.

now just wondering how is he coping
and waiting for his call.

tomorrow i'll be going for 2 interviews,
hopefully able to get what i want.
Jiayou~ Jiayou!

2011-01-02T22:40:00.000+08:00

Much love.

2010-12-28T15:56:00.002+08:00

was very random
and i happened to come across a old post
that my dear friend, Eds had post for my 21st birthday.

i watched the video again
on how you guys went to purchase that "special" present for me.
it's really very funny.
i just couldnt stop laughing while watching.

it really brings me back to those days
when we're working and playing hard during our attachment period.
kind of missed those days.

nevertheless,
i really appreciated the friends that i met
even if they're just a passerby.

in life we gain and lose things at the same time.
be it good or bad,
we still have to live on.

yes, i ever thought of giving up
but thinking and looking at the people who cares for me,
i cant let one person kill me completely.

i need to be stronger
and stronger..

2010-12-27T17:47:00.003+08:00

Last Saturday, it was fun.
*shall not say in details*
but i'm home with lots of blue blacks
and a little cut on my big toe.

however,
it took me 1 to 2 days later to realize it
and it kind of kills me
as it's getting more and more aching.

how sad can this be.
lols!
seriously i'm really laughing at myself.

2010-12-23T22:18:00.001+08:00

Please save me.
Please save me from this misery.

2010-12-16T13:16:00.004+08:00

i do have the intention of not trying.
alarm clock rang,
I felt so lazy to move my ass out of the bed.

But thinking of the money that I had paid
and maybe if I go,
I have 10% of chance.

Hence,
I dragged myself to shower
and off to CDC.

initially, I thought my FTT was at 11.10am
but when I was on my way,
I realized it was at 11.30am
and by the time I reached there,
it was only 11am.

So, i decided to start reading the theory book
and try to absorb whatever i can.
i guess this time round,
Mr Luck is with me,
hence...

TADAAAAAA...

I PASSED!!!

Lols!
even though it is not TP test,
but getting nearer in achieving my driving license.

just pray and hope that
this Saturday will also be like this.

2010-12-13T17:06:00.003+08:00

Just feel that it's fading off slowly..
no longer like the beginning
no longer...

maybe is time.

i do trust but is the fear.
fear of losing...

2010-12-10T23:07:00.003+08:00

seriously,
am i that bad in expressing myself?
why is it always ending up like this?!

i'm not going around the circle..
nor am i going to say or even mean that.
sometimes, good things can really become bad things.

silent.
is all it takes.

self-questioning.
self-blaming.
it's all self.

just hope you can listen to me more patiently.

2010-11-26T23:31:00.004+08:00

25th Nov 2010

the joy of the month~
21st Monthsary to my BB!

Thank you for giving me the flower
also thanks to L's help in getting.

I was touched
and the funny thing was,
before BB came over my place,
i'm actually watching Glee halfway
and stopped at the wedding dance.

Besides that,
he FINALLY proposed
before the clock hit 12am to our monthsary.
even though is simple and not those romantic type
but through his eyes..
i know my decision.

yes,
i'm still young.
nor did i enjoy my time
playing and fooling around
and did a lot of things that i want to do.
but yes,
i agreed to his promises made.

after a day,
things sets in.
i started wondering a lot of things.
will we be really happy after?
is he seriously serious?!

Just hope and pray :)
nevertheless, i'm happy.

2010-11-21T23:34:00.002+08:00

It'd been long since I chatted with my friends.
Be it now or recently,
I'm really happy.
They understand me
and never give me a distance-feeling.
We chatted like there's no tomorrow
and randomly we updated about our life with one another.
I seriously do see who are my friends
and who are not.
even for those who I'm unable to chat with ones,
some are still close in my heart.

was chatting with LD
and he said something that my tears nearly rolled down.
"Pei, think you really grown up le."
True, it's just a normal phrase
but guess what.
to me,
it meant a lot.

Friends that are closed to me,
they do see the changes in me.
be it good or bad,
they noticed it.
i really thought a lot.

sometimes,
it's not within our control limit
but i seriously hope that
when one day,
if someone did a small mistake,
look at the good,
instead of the bad ones.

if ever someone did a grave mistake,
if you love him/her,
look for the root
and work things out with him/her.
Take time to forgive that person.
Never hold grudges for one another.

anyway,
i was telling LD;
If I'm a guy,
I'll treat my girl nice.

WHY?!

don't you think that woman sacrifices and suffer a lot?!
- She, needs to suffer every month pain in which she doesn't wants it.
- She, will need to worry about her safety more than guys.
- She, an emotional creature that needs people's care and (acceptable) attentions.
- She, when give birth, she's in pain in which guys will not experience it.
- She, will need to look after the newborn baby and suffer mentally and physically.
- She, after giving birth, will need to struggle back to work life and maintain a balance for work and family.
- She, will need to hold more responsibility for family members' well-being, etc.

seriously,
i doubt most guys will understand.
even if they do,
some will ignore it
and think that
"sorry, it's their job. That's why i'm lucky to be a guy. They're being unlucky, etc."

but whatever the reasons/excuses will be.
i strongly encourage guys to treat girls well.
not because i'm a girl,
but because i do understand the pain/suffers
that they're going through mentally and physically.

that's why Mothers are the most wei da in the whole world.

2010-11-21T22:41:00.004+08:00

It'd been some time since I last slept well.
There's still a little of struggle in getting myself to sleep
but at least for the past two nights,
I'm able to sleep for long hours.

Besides that,
I'm also very happy.
We just spent our time together during the weekend by not doing much things.
It's really good.
We do not need to rush here or there
or even doing this or that.

All we did was to play bowling on Saturday
and playing online game on Sunday.
Also, little bonding with my family members.

Are you surprised?
Yes! I started to play online game.
It was fun,
not because the game is very interesting
but it's because,
I'm playing with BB.
Together, we do the quests
and him, teaching me by leading the way while explaining.

I realized that,
nowadays I've not upload photos in blog for long time.
Hence, uploaded 3 photos that was taken for the past few days.

he's just a mischievous nephew of mine
but we love him :)

***
It does not happened often.
His was the final rejection;
The way in which
he consistently denigrated her
reduced her to despair.
Her desire decreased
and when will it back again?
***

2010-11-17T23:29:00.002+08:00

it was initially a nice date out
but it ended just like a normal day.

i will try not to hold it so closely anymore
afraid that one day the cut will be even deeper.

i will learn to protect myself more
by setting up layers and layers of walls.

sometimes,
people do say,
doing too much will bring harm to yourself.
i guess it's true at times.

anyway,
i really love my museum trip with BB.
it was really nice.
it was a pity that i cant stay long;
was browsing through
and move on.

but still,
at least i got the chance to go to most of the exhibition halls.
it's AWESOME!!
love it to the MAX.

back home now,
flipping through friends' photos.
i really got the urge to travel.
Exploring and write a post on it.
argh!
when will the day arrive??

besides that,
actually this few days
I've being wondering some stuffs that others said.
it really makes me think
and sometimes,
it kinds of piss me off.

why do people like to talk
as if they're encouraging you
but sounded sarcastic?
it's kind of crap!

but whatever it is,
i will be confident about myself
and never let myself down.

2010-11-16T15:31:00.002+08:00

...Raining day
that's how i feels right now.

an urge to go out and
dance under the rain.

an urge to drink and
go crazy for awhile.

an urge to travel and
explore the world.

an urge to fulfil my dream
and work towards my goal.

seriously,
there's a lot of things i want to do
but there's always a "BUT" behind.

hope someone will cherish and really be sincere for that another one.

2010-11-15T14:42:00.002+08:00

this is BB's 4th week since he started training.
my feelings for now..
seriously,
me myself also not very sure.

just don't understand why my mind works this way.
kept thinking about future/ beyond current.
is like,
WHAT's THE POINT!!!
kinda pissed with myself too.
lols.

things have not even happened,
but i'm already starting to think and worry.
argh!
i guess i'm simply going crazy.

but anyway,
side track abit.
i'm really happy to see G and L yesterday.
i was really surprised and i cant describe how happy i was.

so long since i last met G
and we have too many things to update each other.
i guess is time for us to catch up soon.
maybe after my last day.

oh ya,
did i mention that i tendered?!
YES!
like finally,
i tendered from the company that i worked for 1yr plus.
currently still serving the notices' period.
i just cant wait to leave.

okay backtrack again.
everyday BB seems to be very tired.
i guess this is how life will be when he starts his job.
cant do much i guess
and i think his off days are very precious to everyone that is closed to him.

hmmm,
failed twice.
i think one more try will not be harmed.
i seriously hope this will be my last try
and hope it will be good news.
Let's pray ba!
:)

2010-11-12T18:56:00.000+08:00

too many thoughts.
questions being asked.
just kept running and running.

not facing it
because afraid to receive cruel facts.
just keep running.

till the day,
i got tired
and
there's no path for me to run any further.

2010-11-01T22:52:00.003+08:00

being very tired lately.
but i just couldn't get into my sleep.
no matter how tired i feel,
when i closed my eyes,
there will be a lot of thoughts running through.

seriously,
i'm tired dealing with my surrounding.
it seems like battle everyday.
have to beware of this and that.
not to step into here and there.
i'm seriously drained.

i couldn't tell what was it
but i believe people from outside the picture can see things clearly.

maybe one day,
i should stand outside the picture for some time.
move out of my comfort zone
and face the cruel world.

i will fight
and try to be stronger.

2010-10-27T22:12:00.002+08:00

seriously, I'm currently standing in front of a split path.
2 paths that lead to different things.
a path to pursue my dream
and another path is to earn big bucks.
both are not an easy task.

just hope the best will fall on me
as i really have no idea what to do
and the awesome luck will just by my side at all times!!

anyway, i really like to read my friends' blog.
but somehow,
i guess everyone is busy.
posts that are updated are not the latest.
oh well, i'm almost the same as them.

***

BB started his training for the 3rd day.
so far is still fine for him.
can see that he's coping well.
glad about that.

as for me.
i'm pretty stressed.
a lot of thoughts running through my mind
that me, myself couldn't follow up.

nowadays,
i'm pretty forgetful
as in, some things are said
but the next moment,
it just slips off.

work work work.
my mind is always thinking about
work.. career.. my future...
i'm starting to feel tired.
have no motivation in anything now.

but good thing is that,
i do have gfs that i can chat with to rest my mind for awhile.
thanks girls!!

also not forgetting my beloved BB.
he's still as cute as ever.
:)

2010-10-24T15:34:00.002+08:00

nowadays, i blog lesser and lesser.
it is not because i have nothing to write.
it's actually because i have too many in mind and i don't know where to start.

recently, i did went back to BKK again from 14th-17th oct with BB and his family.
our main purpose of going back there is to pray
and secondly my purpose is to eat bak mee.
other than that, is to shop and eat.
but due to the unfriendly weather and BN been sick,
the trip is not that tiring.

after the recent trip,
i decided,
i will want to go back BKK again in dec.
*hopefully*
other than that,
i also want to plan a trip for my own.
maybe backpacking?!

i just want to go overseas alone
or maybe if there's friends who want to join too.
i just feel like packing nothing too heavy and a camera,
and off i go for the trip.
i just feel like having a relax trip
with no stress, no worries.

why suddenly i have this urge?!
it's because that's what i really want to do
and also i saw few people who determined to pursue his/her own dream,
even if one or hundreds of people disapproved or even upset.
that few people still continued because he/she thinks it's not wrong
as that's his/her dream or wants to do.

hence,
i decided to do stuffs that i wanted to do and pursue my dream.
i didn't really tell friends or anyone before what my dream job is,
until recently.

after this 6th nov,
we'll see what's the outcome.
is either successful or i'll go ahead and pursue my dream.
this time round,
i will really work hard and determine to do my way.

never look down on me or even think i'm worthless
because i'll definitely prove you wrong.
hate people who are materialistic and practical in wrong way.
yar, actually, i don't need to prove to anyone,
just be myself and fight towards my goal.

oh ya,
i will also want to go library like i always do in the past when i'm free.
love the quiet atmosphere and being able to sit down and relax.

another 2 months plus will be new year.
what will i be doing by then?!
wondering wondering.

after that,
another 2 months plus will be my birthday.
what will i be doing or receiving?!
wondering wondering.

time passed real fast
without us knowing.
let's hope it will be a good year ahead
and more luck!
=D

2010-10-13T00:15:00.002+08:00

i'm still affected.
it kept repeating and repeating without me realizing.
just putting smile in front.

after all i'm just an outsider.

2010-10-09T11:37:00.003+08:00

it kept repeating and repeating.
i couldn't stop it from replaying.
just useless
couldn't control.

2010-10-01T17:45:00.003+08:00

Sometimes,
it just too good to be true
Suddenly,
something just crash down before you can react
and there it goes again.

speechless.

only think for yourself
just happily use this kind of tone
feels the hurt that you never know.

2010-09-27T22:43:00.003+08:00

too many thoughts..
i'm kind of blank.

made a call to M yesterday after hearing the news
and i seriously having mix feelings.

when met up with BB,
i couldn't hide it.
he sees through my eyes
and knew something was not right.

but i couldn't tell him..
i kept quiet.
i don't know what to say.
i couldn't express that kind of feelings
and explain.

M understands and know what i meant.
it really does feel good after saying out.
thanks for your time and ears.

even though now i'm still confused
but i'm very sure that,
i do believe and trust you.
it just that..
i'm scared.
the fear is in me...

but most importantly,
i'll still support you
and be there for you.
:)

2010-09-20T20:21:00.003+08:00

I'm BACK...
being away for about a week..

all i can say is..
i really love BKK
and will want to go back soon~

2010-09-10T01:37:00.004+08:00

He may not be the person who

pamper me the most
shower me with all his love
give all his attentions on me
will be always there for me when i need him
is romantic and give me surprises on random day

BUT!

Just something i want to say..

i ♥ my BB
Benjamin Lim Jian Qiang!

loving him for who he is
and accept him as what he is.
That's my love for him

2010-09-10T00:45:00.003+08:00

sometimes,
i have no choice but to say...
i hate myself...

sometimes,
i really happy and feels damn lucky that i do have wonderful friends around me...
being damn supportive and encouraging.
no matter how down i can be,
they'll bring smiles and laughter,
just to see me smile...

sometimes,
i really thinks that i'm being crazy..
couldn't sleep well and kept having bad dreams when you're not by my side.
it feels damn sucks!

not to mention,
i really had a bad dream last night.
i dream that i received a call from someone,
saying that BB had died.
then the next thing i know is,
i was crying so badly and i couldn't believed.

that someone who called,
explained to me that,
BB was working in his new job
and he fell down and died.

after hearing it,
my heart sunk
and i kept crying till midnight,
which i know is very late.

funny thing was,
i couldn't believed
and wanted to hear BB's voice.
so i called his phone,
hoping that it was all just a joke.
but his mom picked up
and started scolding me.
telling me not to call anymore
as BB had died and bla bla bla..

after hearing,
i jumped out.. from my dream
and my eyes are filled with tears.
i was crying..
in the dream as well as in real life.

indeed,
my heart really sunk and felt so depressed.
at that moment,
i was pretty confused.
asking myself was it real or it was just a dream.

after awhile of questioning myself,
i have concluded,
it was just a dream.
*yar, pretty stupid. i know*

i quickly grabbed my phone and bbm-ed BB.
it was 5 in the morning.
telling him about my dream
and told him to be careful.

nevertheless,
i fell asleep after that.
couldn't sleep well
and morning around 10plus in the morning,
i rang BB up.

it really feels damn sucks!
uncertain.
heartbroken.
depressed.
but..
doubt anyone will understand how it feels,
unless you have gone through.

guess i really need to get myself a dreamcatcher
so that i can sleep soundly and better.

2010-09-07T21:41:00.001+08:00

seriously i don't know what's wrong.

my body.
my mind.
my emotions.

i just want to be left alone.

2010-09-03T16:27:00.003+08:00

just when i think is impossible..
feeling so depressed.
a call came.

lighten up my mood by telling me is possible
and there it goes..
back on track!

even though is not what i wanted/expected,
i had made the choice.
though now i think it will be a waste
but hopefully
it will really bring a smile to him
and on 25th,
it will be a successful journey day for him.

all the best,
and i love U!

2010-09-03T11:36:00.003+08:00

this is not the way man~
oh well..
i guess my 3rd surprise for BB
is damn hard to achieve..

thinking of it,
it will be sweet if it succeed.
however,
it's only partly.

argh!!
why is it so hard!!
=(

2010-08-31T23:11:00.003+08:00

haiz,
why am i so weird and funny?!
LoLz!

told BB not to buy Starcraft 2
but!
i bought for him.
=p

By right is his 2nd birthday surprise
but due to some unforeseen circumstances,
i brought the game with him around.
haiz~

the only thing is he didn't know how much,
that's all.

1st surprise -> BIG SUCCESS
2nd surprise -> damn shit
3rd surprise -> preparing...

shall not say anything here first.
will plan abit more
and MISSION BACK ON!
wahahaha.

isn't me awesome?!
told him before that i will not prepare so much for his birthday this year.
ended up,
i'm planning to give him 3 surprises.
with that,
two of them had done,
while the last one is still preparing.

hopefully,
he will have a wonderful birthday for this year.
:)

2010-08-29T23:13:00.001+08:00

sometimes i really think that is tough to live with it.
or i can say is difficult.
just dont understand why
but all i can say is i dont owe you anything.

if you think there's an issue,
just voice it out.
dont hide in the bush
or even take a longer route to voice it out.
just be direct.

2010-08-29T12:56:00.003+08:00

the way he sleeps,
is just like a big baby.
so cute.
=X

anyway,
i'm really happy about yesterday.
even though is for wrong reason,
but met up with P n W again.
we also saw SH and F.
we had a little chat
and after P and me went to town for a walk.

though is short,
but i really love it.
i really miss u girls.

then after,
went to meet BB
and off we had our awesome dinner.
Thanks BB for the treat.

Home sweet home after
to grab my stuffs.
awhile later,
we met up with liz
with last minute decision on going prawning
as i have a competition with BB.
but ended up we didnt
due to too many people.

before that,
actually drop by Jeralds,
and had a little chat with L and C.
will see you girls soon.

and then guess what,
we ended up head to JB for supper.
lols.
damn awesome night!!

as for today,
we'll have a family competition on bowling.
woooo~
just wonder who will win.
if BB and me team won,
my camera will be subsidies by them.
whahahaha.

till then,
we shall see.
wait for my newssssss...

2010-08-27T23:51:00.005+08:00

Dozo Restaurant

@ River Valley Point

Introducing...
Ben, my silly boy,
who doesn't know my evil plans...

we had really wonderful and enjoyable dinner
and seriously,
i didn't regret for choosing this place.

their service is AWESOME!!
all staffs put on a smile on their face
and welcome you.
even when you're leaving,
one of them will walk you out.
***
the place has nice atmosphere,
excellent services
and i really love there.
THANK YOU TO ALL DOZO STAFFS!!
***
initially,
the purpose of going there
is to celebrate our 18th month anniversary
and then,
i came out with an idea to do something else
(since it's not the date is not that far away)
the best part is,
he didn't know anything!
all he knew was just a dinner.
did ask Liz's opinion
and after,
mission ON!
(but i do afraid that things don't go well)

Pictures had been uploaded in FB,
only selected few over here to share.

One of our favorite - Beef!!
yumyumyum.

Another of my favorites is the dessert.
Hot volcano chocolate cake /w vanilla ice-cream
while we're enjoying our dessert...

that's when the surprise presented.

Tadaaa~~
an advanced birthday surprise for BB.
he got really shocked.
HAHA!!

before our dinner comes to an end.
a photo of us.

Last picture before i ended my post.
edited pic of him during the dinner,
just the playful him.

♥

Successful.

2010-08-21T18:22:00.004+08:00

I'm BROKE!!!!
feel so shit.
after minus this and that,
i'm really very broke.
not as in no $$$
but if continues,
i'll eat into my savings..
argh.
gona really on budget from next month onwards.

but whatever it is,
hope everything goes well
and sweet :)

COUNT DOWN COUNT DOWN!!!
for my awesome trip with BB.
just cant wait till then.

2010-08-20T23:29:00.003+08:00

sometimes,
i will dream.

thinking what if one day...

you bring me to ice-skate and hold me tight.

you stand in front of your every single friends and say proudly, "I'm your girl", no matter how many times you had said before, you still will want to do so.

you give me all kind of surprises *good ones*

you show me how much i meant to you

you tell me you're really happy when you're with me every single moments

you look at me and proposed to me sincerely

yar,
all kinds of thinking and hoping.
i really want US to create our own moments
with full of happy stuffs.

i ever thought of doing certain things
however,
i guess it will be useless.
cos' no one will appreciate.

yes yes yes.
i'm just a dreamer.

2010-08-20T12:45:00.002+08:00

2nd week of morning love from BB.
so in loved.

BB is going to try again,
looking at the bright side,
indeed it's good.
but looking at the dark side,
a little bit hard to convince myself.

seriously,
a lot of things are hard to say.
we will never know what will happen
when we move on to next stage.

hence,
i decided,
not to think too far,
just look at present.
"take a step, look a step"

oh ya,
i'm planning something.
and i'm pretty looking forward to it.
hopefully it will turn out well.

seriously,
i'm not very sure if BB will like it anot.
but still,
let's PRAY!!!

♥

2010-08-18T19:38:00.005+08:00

nothing can describe the feelings that i'm having this few days.
it's being pretty awesome.
i just like the way it is now.

anyway,
this wkend will be going to wakeboard again.
i'm so looking forward to it.
hopefully i'm able to wake better.
*winkz*

i'm so in LOVE with U

2010-08-16T17:05:00.002+08:00

Just a happy lil girl of yours.

took off today
and went to jb to get some stuffs.
overall,
is just a simple trip
and i'm happy with it.

is just you that brighten up my days
and is also you that will bring love in my life.
i just want to be with you.

oh ya,
during the trip,
i thought a lot,
not bad stuffs
but crazy ideas.

i'll get the stuffs soon
and prepare to do the little surprises to myself.
wahahahaha.

2010-08-13T23:38:00.002+08:00

TODAY!
so far still good.
love BB's morning love.
=)

i realized that,
ever since i start "talking" to myself.
i'm kind of feeling much better
and definitely happier.

oh well,
hopefully i'm not going crazy.
but the fact is,
it really does help.

shall not say what i said to myself,
else will be a little creepy.

yesterday was damn shag
as i woke up at 5am
and got to work at 6am.
all the way till 11pm
den i leave my fieldwork site.

it's really tiring
but i believed,
after all this sacrifices from E and me,
we will hit our quota within the estimated days.
let's pray!!!

got to rest soon
as tomorrow will be another battle day.

2010-08-10T21:22:00.002+08:00

is it true that
whenever someone made a mistake,
they'll try to cover it up by treating you better
for awhile
then back to square one?

just think.
i hope i'm not the one
nor the one who will be treated this way.

wake up your idea
for those who are doing that!

2010-08-10T18:18:00.003+08:00

seriously,
i don't know i can hold on till how long.
i'm really mentally drained.

is really torturing.
"know too many things will get you hurt"
is so true.

i have no one that i can seriously approach.
yes,
i do have friends
but things just couldnt solve.

they're my listeners
but i need a solution.

i guess,
you're that person i can get answer from.
but i just have no guts to even ask you.

i'm just scare to know the truth.
i'm afraid and really drained.

i seriously need your heart and soul
and only me in your mind and heart.

2010-08-09T23:43:00.002+08:00

again,
i slept all the way till afternoon 4plus today.
after that went to prepare
and off i went to get some foodie for BB.

after passing to him,
i went to photo shop to print out photos for BB
as surprise.
but never know,
i started to feel unwell
and felt giddy.

hence i told one of the staff there,
she quickly pull out a chair for me to sit.
sad case,
it doesnt help.
it gotten worse.

funny thing is that,
even though i started to see nothing,
eyes went blank,
but i still managed to click the photos that i want for printing.
wahahaha.

that lady is really damn nice,
she asked me if i want sweets
and even helped me to buy hot milo.
so sweet of her.

seriously,
without her,
i guess i really will faint/black out.

i was perspiring with cold sweat,
my clothes are wet lo.
imagine how crazy was that.
and she even help me wipe
and apply oil on my nose and forehead.

is really nice of her,
then, best thing is,
again i couldnt see clearly
as my eyes just went blanked,
i called BB
and told him i'm fainting.
he rushed down to look for me.

after resting for awhile,
i felt better
and off we left the shop.

it was not long later,
BB's mom came over to pick us up
and off we went home
instead of going to watch fireworks.
awwww.
i want to see fireworkss!!!!!!

what a bad day!

2010-08-09T05:29:00.003+08:00

Happy national day...
not for me.
BB got to work
and i'll be alone by myself on PH.
haiz.

well,
lucky i didnt make any reservation
which i intended to.

after BB's mom pick him up from my hse,
i went to meet Lyn for supper.
wahahaha.
nice chill out session
as we really talk non-stop.
lols.

sharing on regards to BKK trip.
wahahaha.
we said until so excited lo.

happily chatting and we forgotten about time.
it was near to mac breakfast
hence we decided to wait.
eaten our breakfast
and off we walked home.

i'm just so excited on my trip
that i couldnt sleep now.
wahahaha.
saying about coming trip
also planning on the next trip.

it's really nice to chat through the night
and i believed tomorrow,
i'll wake up in the afternoon
and by then,
just nice i can cook something for BB again.

yesterday was my first time cooking fried rice
and also my first time cooking for BB.
wahahahha.
was abit clumsy here and there.
but still i managed to cook for him.
and guess what he say..
he said:
"hmm, not bad ah. but not fantastic."

lols.
what an encouragement from him.
but still i know he likes it can liaoz.
now abit headache dont know what to cook for him tomorrow.
maybe fried rice again?!
hahhaa. with better ingredients?
hmmmmmmm...
we shall see then.

got to go sleep
after my medicines.
goodnight!
xoxo

2010-08-07T11:41:00.002+08:00

i guess,
everyone noticed the change in me.
i'm no longer me.

whatever is it,
thanks M & K.
indeed it feels good after.

also,
yesterday had a good walk.
is like as if i'm back to my starting point.
memories just kept flowing back
as if you're just beside me,
walking with me.

but again,
appetite doesnt seem to be better.
hardly feel the hunger in me
and best i can sleep with it.
wonderful me.

not to worry,
i know what i'm doing.
i will... i will...

a touch from you on my head,
let me feel the care you have to me.
a tight hug from you,
let me feel you want me.
a sweet smile from you,
let me understands you didnt forget me.
a goodbye from you,
let me know...

you say you will,
but you didnt.
again waiting,
but what can i say.

no more cycle
no more..
no more..

2010-08-06T17:45:00.003+08:00

INK.
that's what i really want to do.
be it putting your name or what.
i really want to.
And i mean it.

2010-08-05T22:20:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Mich!

sorry girls for behaving weirdly today.
hope it doesnt spoil the day.

last but not least,
happy birthday mich!
hope you like the presents i gave you.

2010-08-04T14:46:00.002+08:00

there's this chinese says,
which means,
no matter how it change,
the skin will still remain the same.

which also means that,
even if someone says they will not do it,
but if that's himself/herself,
no matter what,
will still in him/her.

yar,
indeed,
disappointment rises.
anger submerged.
never will forget.

2010-08-03T20:41:00.002+08:00

putting sad issue aside,
now,
i'm just looking forward for my trips.

this month,
will be celebrating mich's bday.
one will be this coming thursday
another one will be our day-trip
which i'm still not very sure if i'm able to go.

still,
the most excited trip
will be my sept trip with BB.
it's my first flight trip with him,
after nagging for so long.
lols.

just looking forward for my trips.
:)

2010-08-03T17:04:00.002+08:00

cancelled.
no more awesome day
as it's going to push till next year.

seriously,
i hope this time round will be smooth sailing.
futhermore,
i hope,
our base will be stronger than ever.

yes,
i do scare
as we will never know what will happen ahead of us.
but i do have faith in us.
that we can make it.

i know you can,
let make this time round the prefect one.

2010-08-01T17:38:00.002+08:00

lazy sunday.
it's been an awesome weekend spent
with lots of beauty sleep.
at least 12hours?!

as for today,
BB and me decided to slack at home
spending our time surfing net,
playing his game
and me,
watching all my shows.

as for yesterday night,
BB did say some things which i'm pretty touched,
but i'm not very sure am i convinced by what he said.
whatever it is,
i'm pretty sure that,
i'm afraid of the outcome.
i really do.

putting things aside,
i just cant wait for sept to come.
i need a holiday trip SSOOOONNNNN!!!

2010-07-30T15:13:00.002+08:00

in life,
sometimes you will have some expectations to yourself.
however,
there's still times, you will not expect anything.
but when there's no expectation,
you'll be happier when things happened.

to begin with,
life is short to waste.
dont give yourself too much expectations to meet
and let yourself drown in sorrow.
live your life to the fullest
and be happy and satisfy with little returns.

just told BB
but from his tone,
i think i'm adding stress to him.
let's not think too much
and hope smooth riding.

2010-07-30T00:12:00.002+08:00

like, finally,
i'm going holiday with BB.
so looking forward to it.
:)

after when we're back from the trip,
few days later,
it'll be our awesome day.

PEOPLE, START COUNTING DOWN!!

2010-07-28T15:41:00.001+08:00

mentally breaking down.
guess i'm going to take a short break
away from reality for a moment.
i really need that now.

confused.
don't know what's right, what's wrong.
deceiving is what i got.

2010-07-26T17:49:00.001+08:00

what a long last night.
seem drama.
but is too painful to remember.

unspoken pain as though
millions and billions of needles
piercing through.

again, you wouldnt understand if you have gone through it.

2010-07-25T21:55:00.003+08:00

Happy 17th Month!!

all i can say is,
yesterday was an awesome day
as i met up with Mich and the rest.
it's being long since i last meet them
and seriously,
i missed those days we went for night cycling and stuffs.

after that went to meet up with BB for movie
and head down to our 2nd home.
so coincidentally i saw yb there too
and just nice was her birthday.

last night really was a high and low night.
but still i'm happy.
cheers to all
especially for the 3 birthday girls i know
that were celebrating last night.

as for today,
BB brought me to Ritz Carlton for dinner.
Thanks BB!
and after that home sweet home.

once again,
tomorrow is MONDAYYYY.
gosh,
what a day.
it's okay,
will build my motivation
and enjoy my work life.

***
delete means something,
means trying to hide something.

2010-07-23T18:41:00.002+08:00

have you ever love someone more than yourself?
thinking more of another person than yourself?
sometimes,
life can be real unfair and selfish.
but this is LIFE!

think of it,
i really want to have a simple life.
living near or best is at the beach.
everyday can see sunrise and sunset.
living a very simple life
with no worries.

whenever after work,
can go home cook
and wait for husband to come back for dinner.

after that,
will have little chats
and apart from that,
we can sit by the beach to relax
and look at the beautiful sky.

how relaxing it will be
and loving.
=p

just wish
and hope it will happen one day.
work hard for now!!

2010-07-18T21:43:00.003+08:00

awesome!
today, i'm really happy.

3 Happy things that make me smile today

1. i'm able to stand up and last awhile before i fall into the water.
all thanks to BB and Johns for coaching. :)

2. BB free from work and able to have enough rest.

3. Just very happy to have BB by my side, spending time together.

* * *

today early in the morning went wake-boarding with BB and Johns.
it was cloudy day
but lucky we went pretty early so by the time when we ended our session,
it started to rain heavily.
we're just so lucky.

Thanks to Johns "whenever you're going to fall, look in front, look at that"
*pointing at the pole that secure the rope*
and also not forgetting my beloved BB "look straight, push it in front"
*pointing at my hip*

loved loved.

simply happy for today!
how i wish it could last longer.
i hate Monday.
hate the need of going to work with no motivation.

what to do.
this is LIFE!

2010-07-17T16:36:00.000+08:00

It's a sunny day,
So I got nowhere to hide,
Not a cloud in the sky,
So I'm pretending, I've got something
In my eyes, just so you won't see me cry

So I wait for the storm, Oooh
To hide all my tears
But it's taking too long
But I won't run for the door, Oooh
'Coz if you think I'm weak
Then that makes you strong

So rain on me
What's the price of thunder? (rain on me)
It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees (so rain on me)
I'll be standing under (so rain on me)
Disguise my tears so that you'll never see

Let it rain
(Let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain
(My tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)
Let it rain
(Let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain
(My tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)

I won't give you the pleasure
To see me breaking
And that's how you'll remember me
You're not worth it
I'll get better, only down for a second
I won't give you the victory

So I wait for the storm, Oooh
To hide all my tears
But it's taking too long
But I won't run for the door, Oooh
'Coz if you think I'm weak
Then that makes you strong

So rain on me
What's the price of thunder? (rain on me)
It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees (so rain on me)
I'll be standing under (so rain on me)
Disguise my tears so that you'll never see

Let it rain
(Let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain
(My tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)
Let it rain
(Let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain
(My tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)

It's a sunny day,
So I got nowhere to hide,
Not a cloud in the sky,
So I'm pretending, I've got something
In my eyes, just so you won't see me cry

So rain on me
What's the price of thunder? (rain on me)
It's like I'm waiting in a hundred degrees (so rain on me)
I'll be standing under (so rain on me)
Disguise my tears so that you'll never see

Let it rain
(Let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain
(My tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)
Let it rain
(Let it rain, let it rain on me, let it rain, let it rain on me)
Let it rain
(My tears are the rainfall and flow right to the sea)
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain...

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/cheryl_cole/#share